Well, this is embarrassing

Last week, we announced this section was going crowdsourced… and then proceeded to throw up a solid goose egg. That’s right: out of the 40,000+ people reading this email, we received a grand total of zero usable reader submissions – a shutdown worthy of the start of the pandemic.

🤷‍♀️ Anyways… Today we’re going to do two things:

1. Revert back to our old format of aggregating a few outlandish stories from around the news.
2. Get on our knees and beg for submissions. So if you’ve encountered a glitch in the matrix, quirky animal behavior, or even a hilarious first grader, tell us about it here (pretty please with a cherry on top).

📰 Without further ado… Here are the top five stories from this week.

• A Shrek-themed rave is coming to major US cities → (EDM.com)
• A man is using his nose to push a peanut up to the summit of Colorado's Pikes Peak → (NPR)
• Indiana personal trainer claims running on all fours like a dog daily has made him 'crazy ripped' → (ABC 7 Chicago)
• Woman uses 'teacher voice' to chase bear away from North Carolina deck → (UPI)
• UK heatwave leads movie theaters to offer free tickets to redheads → (NY Post)