Good morning. Ever heard of the ‘infinite monkey theorem?’ Basically it says that if you gave a monkey with a typewriter an infinite amount of time to work, eventually that monkey would almost surely eventually type up the works of William Shakespeare.

Fascinating, sure, but it got us thinking – does that mean the monkey would eventually write today’s edition of The DONUT? Is the monkey writing this right now?

Send bananas.

THE NEWS.

🚀⏰ Ready, Set, Go: Today’s news takes 3.97 minutes to read.

“Victory is always possible for the person who refuses to stop fighting.”

–Napoleon Hill (1883-1970)

Google parent company Alphabet might as well change its name to Alexander, because it had a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day yesterday. Its stock dropped nearly 8% – erasing more than $100 billion in market value – following the company's AI- and- search-focused event held in the morning.

And to add insult to injury: someone noticed Google's AI made a rather large error in a Twitter post… that’s now been viewed more than 1.6 million times.

Some highlights from the event:

• The company mainly rehashed Monday’s announcement of Bard, its AI-assisted search engine product, showcasing how it could be used to display the pros and cons of buying an electric car, as well as plan a trip in Northern California.
• The event also showed AI improvements to a number of other Google products, including Maps and Google Lens, which lets people search for images from their phone’s camera.

🪐🤦 Now, about the error: Right before the event began, Reuters discovered Bard making a factual error during a demo Google itself posted to Twitter two days prior. When asked how to explain the James Webb Space Telescope to a nine-year-old, Bard incorrectly said the JWST “took the very first pictures of a planet outside of our own solar system.” Except… it didn’t; those pictures were taken in 2004 – 17 years before the JWST ever existed.

• This also showcases a bigger AI chatbot issue: the “hallucination problem.” Because the AI’s language model is trained to basically be a super powerful autocomplete, it doesn’t check to make sure that its answers are factually correct – only that they’re probabilistically so.

🖼️ Big picture: AI’s answers may not always be accurate, but the following statement is: the chatbot wars are heating up. Microsoft, which has invested billions in ChatGPT’s parent company, OpenAI, officially unveiled its own AI-enhanced Bing search engine with ChatGPT integration on Tuesday.

🇺🇦 Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky paid surprise visits to the UK and France yesterday. Zelensky’s trip, which is set to conclude at a gathering of EU leaders in Brussels today, had the goal of securing military aid (specifically fighter jets) from the countries, and marks the second known instance of the Ukrainian president leaving his home country since Russia invaded last February. Ukrainian officials have said Moscow is currently preparing for a new large-scale offensive that could begin as soon as February 24 (the day after Russia celebrates a nationwide holiday in honor of its military).

🇬🇧🎮 The UK’s competition regulator said Microsoft’s $69 billion acquisition of Activision Blizzard harms domestic competition. In a decision published yesterday, UK officials said the takeover could lead to higher prices, fewer choices, and less innovation in the gaming industry. Regulators provided Microsoft with a list of possible solutions, which include selling off the business that runs Call of Duty, divesting the Activision half of newly-acquired Activision Blizzard, or terminating the deal altogether. The two companies have until Feb. 22 to respond, with the UK government’s final decision – which could ultimately block the sale – set for April 26.

🇷🇺 Russian President Vladimir Putin likely approved sending the missile system that shot down Malaysia Airlines flight MH17 in 2014, per a joint investigative report. After 8.5 years of researching the incident, experts from five different countries concluded there were “strong indications” that Putin personally approved the missile transfer to a Russian-backed separatist group that shot down the plane over Ukraine, killing all 298 people onboard. However, the investigative team said there wasn’t enough conclusive evidence to tie Putin directly to the crash, and also noted that heads of state are immune from prosecution under international law.

+Update: The death toll from a recent series of earthquakes in Turkey and Syria rose above 15,000 yesterday.

We definitely are, and we don’t get meme’d on nearly as hard as Drake does. Luckily, The Progress Network offers a positive and constructive outlook on a complicated world. By shining a spotlight on the progress of society’s most pressing issues, they encourage people to create a future of their dreams, not fears. And it’s FREE! 🥳

• Backed by a 100+ member team of scholars, founders, writers, and innovators, The Progress Network provides thousands of readers with an intelligent and uplifting dose of optimism every Thursday.

🌎 The big picture… perspective has a massive impact – it’s literally the difference between the donut being half gone, or still having half a donut. So if you’re ready to catch up on the remarkable progress humanity has made in the last few decades and get a break from the negativity, check out The Progress Network today.

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Tickets for Beyoncé’s latest world tour may be flying off the proverbial shelves, but her line of inclusive streetwear isn’t flying off literal ones. According to documents reviewed by The Wall Street Journal, a fashion partnership between Adidas and Queen Bey’s Ivy Park clothing brand has generated weak sales, leaving a ~$200 million hole last year in internal Adidas projections.

🤝 Background: Beyoncé debuted the Ivy Park brand in 2016 in partnership with UK retailer Topshop, then bought full ownership of the brand in 2018. The following year, Adidas put a ring on it (but only through 2023).

Adidas execs expected hundreds of millions of dollars in Ivy Park sales, and promised Beyoncé guaranteed annual fees of $20 million as well as creative control, the WSJ reports. But revenue never lived up to expectations.

• Adidas had predicted the partnership would generate $250 million in sales last year. The actual figure ended up being $40 million (a more than 50% decrease in revenue year-over-year).
• This year, Ivy Park’s sales are projected to be ~$65 million. An earlier Adidas target had pegged that number to be $355 million instead.

🎟📈 Zoom out: While it may not be hard to get your hands on a pair or two of Ivy Park sweatpants at the moment, tickets to the 32-time Grammy winner’s Renaissance tour are a little harder to come by. Demand for tickets that have gone on sale so far has exceeded the number available by more than 800%, per Ticketmaster.

Yesterday, the Seattle Storm announced the sale of more than a dozen minority stakes valuing the WNBA franchise at $151 million, an all-time record for a US women’s sports team. Quite fitting that a team named “the Storm” would be making it rain.

The team’s owners told the WSJ they sold the stakes to help finance a new $64 million, 50,000-square-foot practice facility and business office, which breaks ground later this month.

🏀 More details… The Storm’s latest valuation is more than 15x the price that several other WNBA teams have sold for in recent years – a discrepancy the team’s owners attributed to two main things:

1. The Storm’s track record of success. This includes four WNBA titles since 2004 – tied for the most all-time – and a league-leading attendance of 10,600 fans per game last season.
2. The increasing value of women’s sports properties in general.

📈 And speaking of: Women’s sports as a whole are on the upswing. One example: the WNBA raised $75 million last February at a $1 billion valuation, the largest funding deal for a women's sports property in history.

And here’s *DJ Khaled voice* anotha one: the fee to join the National Women’s Soccer League as an expansion team rose from between $2 million and $5 million in 2020, to $50 million last month (an increase of 900%).

💬 Quoted…​​ “More than New Zealand would use in 30 years."

Yesterday, New Zealand authorities announced the discovery of more than three tons of cocaine – more than NZ would use in 30 years and enough to service the entire continent of Australia for about a year – that was found floating in a remote part of the Pacific Ocean.

• Officials say the package, worth an estimated $316 million, was dropped there by an international drug syndicate trying to smuggle it into Australia.

🤖❤️ Stat of the Day: More than 4 in 10 American men plan on using AI to write a Valentine’s note this year, compared to less than 20% of women, per a new McAfee survey.

🤯 Did You Know?... Researchers at the National University of Singapore devised a system that can make a working 3D-printed copy of a key just by listening to how it sounds when inserted into a lock😳.

📖 Worth a Read: I tried Microsoft’s new AI-powered Bing. Search will never be the same → (WSJ)

🌞 Why are they so happy? Contrary to popular belief, It’s not their extravagant fortunes. It’s because these two sports icons both wake up and read the #1 sports newsletter in America, Morning Blitz. These guys have early bed times with the major organizations they run, so it’s truly the only way they stay in-the-know across the sports world!

Look, it’s a safe assumption that you probably enjoy The DONUT’s format/delivery style… and Morning Blitz is very similar. It’s a quick, 5-minute read every morning stuffed with the biggest headlines, insights, juicy tidbits, and some good old sports humor.

Become a smarter sports fan and sign up today, for free.

• ☝️ Scientists have discovered the fossilized remains of the largest known penguin to ever roam the Earth, per a new peer-reviewed study published yesterday; the 340-pound behemoth, called Kumimanu fordycei, was roughly the same size as a gorilla, and swam in the oceans around New Zealand 50 million years ago.

BUSINESS & MARKETS

• 📉 All three major US stock markets dropped yesterday. (S&P: -1.11% Nasdaq: -1.68% Dow: -0.61%)
• 🖥️ Affirm is laying off ~19% of its employees, or ~480 people. | Disney will cut ~7,000 jobs (~3% of its workforce) and reorganize into three divisions, the company’s CEO Bob Iger announced yesterday.
• 💰🏥 CVS Health announced a $10.6 billion deal to acquire Oak Street Health, one of the country's largest primary care health networks focused on older adults.

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SPORTS, MEDIA & ENTERTAINMENT

• 📺 Disney announced that Toy Story 5, Frozen 3, and Zootopia 2 are all in the works. | Netflix is rolling out paid sharing (its crackdown on password sharing) in Canada, New Zealand, Portugal, and Spain, the company announced yesterday.
• 💬 Twitter users were unable to post updates for about 90 minutes yesterday, instead getting a message saying, “You are over the daily limit for sending Tweets.”
• 🏀 The Los Angeles Lakers are reportedly finalizing a three-way trade with the Utah Jazz and Minnesota Timberwolves; the deal would send Russell Westbrook and a 1st-round pick to the Jazz, D'Angelo Russell, Jarred Vanderbilt, and Malik Beasley to the Lakers, and Mike Conley to the T-Wolves. | Check out the latest rumors ahead of today's NBA trade deadline.

SCIENCE, SPACE & EMERGING TECH

• 🪐 A ring of ice and dust was discovered orbiting a small celestial body in our solar system at twice the distance that scientists had previously recognized as the limit for how far a ring system can exist, per a study published yesterday in Nature.
• 📜🤖 A 2,000-year-old book that was partially destroyed in the eruption of Mount Vesuvius – and centuries later handed off to Napoleon – may finally be deciphered thanks to AI, per new research that has yet to be peer-reviewed.

EVERYTHING ELSE

• 🏛️➡️🏒 Labor Secretary Marty Walsh is leaving the Biden administration to lead the NHL's Players Association, per multiple reports.
• 🐦 Former Twitter execs testified before the House Committee on Oversight and Accountability yesterday over the censorship of a 2020 NY Post story on President Biden’s son, Hunter, and the contents of his laptop. (From the Left | From the Center | From the Right)

CLICKBAIT

• 🌎☄️ Examining an asteroid impact in slow motion.

*Sponsored post

Yesterday we covered the Department of Homeland Security’s new updates to its use-of-force policy, which limit the use of no-knock warrants and ban chokeholds in non-life-threatening situations, among other things, for all 80,000 officers under the DHS’ authority.

❓ Our question to you: How do you feel about the Department of Homeland Security’s updates to its use-of-force policy?

• 👍 Strongly agree: 41%
• 📈 Agree/Somewhat agree: 20%
• 🤷 Unsure/other: 12%
• 📉 Disagree/Somewhat disagree: 16%
• 👎 No: 11%

Click here to read some of the best responses.

+Note on sample size: We received 7,505 votes and 626 longform responses.

We bring you the most unusual, off-the-wall and occasionally laugh-out-loud headlines from this week.

• In a surprising twist, Dr. Dre wins the Dr. Dre Award at 2023 Grammys → (We Got This Covered)
• Step ladder mistaken for new McDonald’s at shopping center - (MKFM)
• Tom Brady's Retirement Video Sand Listed For $100k on eBay → (Pokcas)
• Wisconsin school attempts cereal box dominoes world record → (UPI)

CROWDSOURCED

Have you ever encountered a glitch in the matrix, quirky animal behavior, or even just a hilarious first grader? Tell us about it here for a chance to be featured in next Thursday’s newsletter.

👩 Who: Tess E. from Harrisburg, PA

💬 The experience: My family and I were on a ghost tour of Gettysburg, where there's a site of an old bakery where so-and-so was baking bread when something happened. Anyways, apparently people can sometimes smell bread baking from the top of the hill. Just when the tour guide mentions this, my nose starts bleeding, and the entire group just looks at me and slowly backs away. Couldn't have been planned better.

P.S. Don’t forget to share your odd or hilarious experience with us here.

... which means Girl Scouts around the country are gearing up to sell fan favorites like Tagalongs, Thin Mints, and Samoas. But for Troop #6000 in New York City, the Girl Scouts mean so much more than that. 

❤️🍪 From club → community... The troop takes in girls from NYC's homeless shelter system, providing them with a sense of purpose, empowerment, and greater community. 

• "Every girl in the five boroughs deserves a chance to reach her full potential: to have her eyes opened to possibilities for college and careers, to make loving and supportive friends, to learn from caring female mentors, and to chart her own course to achieve her goals," reads the Girl Scouts' website. "That’s what Troop 6000TM is all about."

Which European city is widely considered the watchmaking capital of the world?

(keep scrolling for the answer)

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Geneva