Good morning. Y’all buy any of those limited edition Raspberry Rally Girl Scout Cookies? If so, you could make a cool $100 selling them on eBay, according to a recent Today report.

But that wouldn’t be cool! And the Girl Scouts don’t condone it. So ya know what, just to keep them safe, go ahead and ship them to us over here at DONUT HQ.

We won’t eat them, promise.

Okay our legal team has said there’s no way we don’t eat the cookies. And they’re right. We’re sorry for lying but still plz send cookies.

And on that classic newspaper intro, THE NEWS.

🚀⏰ Ready, Set, Go: Today’s news takes 4.39 minutes to read.

“Freedom from desire leads to inner peace.”

–Lao Tzu (571 B.C. – 501 B.C.)

The doomsday clock keeps ticking closer to midnight for TikTok. A bipartisan group of 12 senators introduced a bill yesterday that would allow the federal government to enact a nationwide ban of TikTok or other foreign-based technologies – if they’re found to pose a threat to America’s national security.

The bill, which was drafted with input from the White House, would empower the Commerce Secretary to ban technologies that are headquartered in any of six nations currently deemed foreign adversaries: China, Russia, Iran, North Korea, Venezuela, or Cuba.

But there are some stipulations. One being that before any such ban could take effect, the US intelligence community would be required to declassify as much info as possible and make a public case for why the tech poses a national security risk.

• In TikTok’s case, lawmakers have said they believe there’s a risk the Chinese government could access the user data of Americans (TikTok has denied these claims), and use the app to push or suppress certain messages.

Though if you’re an avid TikTok user, these stipulations are like a certain morning newsletter you love – they bring some positive news, too. If enacted, the Senate’s proposed bill would allow Americans to evade the ban using tools like VPNs without any punishment.

📸 Big picture: If attracting the attention of DC lawmakers is cool, consider TikTok Miles Davis. The Senate’s proposed measure was introduced less than a week after a similar bill that would ban TikTok from all US devices was approved by a GOP-led House committee.

📱 Bottom line: These national security concerns are nothing new – TikTok has been negotiating since 2019 with the Committee on Foreign Investment in the US to remedy potential security risks and stay operational. But according to lawmakers from both parties and chambers of Congress, negotiations are starting to drag on for too long.

📊 Flash poll: In your opinion, should TikTok be banned from every device in the US?

Yes

No

Unsure/other

🇫🇷 More than 1.2 million people gathered across France yesterday to protest against raising the retirement age. About one-quarter of France’s public sector workers walked out on strike, causing widespread disruption of travel, schools, and services within the country. It marked the sixth mass demonstration so far this year against President Emmanuel Macron’s plan to raise the age at which retirees can draw a full government pension from 62 to 64, which Macron has said is necessary to keep the system financially viable.

🇨🇦🇨🇳 Canadian PM Justin Trudeau appointed a special investigator to look into allegations that China illegally helped his Liberal Party in the 2021 election. Last month, The Globe and Mail reported that China worked to defeat Conservative politicians considered unfriendly to Beijing in Canada’s most recent nationwide election, citing top-secret documents from the country’s intelligence service. Alongside a special investigator, PM Trudeau also asked lawmakers in Canada’s national security committee to investigate the alleged election interference, which China has denied.

🇮🇷 Iran announced its first arrests in a series of mysterious poisonings targeting schoolgirls. In an interview with state television on Monday, Iranian officials said more than 5,000 female students across 25 of the country’s 31 provinces have suffered from symptoms like nausea, shortness of breath, and vertigo in recent months after reporting unpleasant odors on school premises. International human rights orgs have raised concerns that the attacks could be a form of retaliation for ongoing female-led protests following the death of 22-year-old Mahsa Amini last September.

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Last week, The Washington Post released On the Record, a trivia game that asks users one quote-based question per day, Monday through Thursday. It concludes with a ten-question finale on Friday.

🎲📰 Games? In the news?... WaPo’s launch of On the Record comes less than a year after the viral rise of Wordle, a guess-the-word game that grew from less than 100 players per day in November 2021 to a millions of daily users by February 2022.

This attracted the attention of the NY Times. And just like the Godfather himself, they made Wordle’s creator Josh Wardle an offer he couldn’t refuse, acquiring the game in early 2022 for an undisclosed sum “in the low seven figures.”

📈 And so far, so good. About three months after the acquisition, the NY Times announced its purchase of the game brought “an unprecedented tens of millions of new users to The Times.” Which helped drive the company’s best quarter ever for net subscriber additions to its Games offering.

• 44% of Americans play Wordle regularly, according to a recent WordFinder report. That’s more than the 37% of Americans who have a passport.

🖼️ Big picture: If On the Record can bring even a fraction of the traffic as Wordle, it would be a success; 2022 wasn’t so good to the Washington Post. The Jeff Bezos-owned publication ended last year with 2.5 million subscribers, down half a million from 2021.

💬 Quoted…​​ “The latest economic data have come in stronger than expected, which suggests that the ultimate level of interest rates is likely to be higher than previously anticipated.”

In testimony before the Senate Banking Committee yesterday, Fed Chair Jerome Powell said the central bank would consider another 0.5% increase to benchmark interest rates after its policy-making committee meets on March 21-22, in an effort to tame persistently high inflation.

• All three US stock indexes dipped by roughly half-a-percentage-point as soon as Powell began speaking at 10 am ET, then continued to trend downwards for the rest of the day. (Dow: -1.7%; S&P: -1.5%; Nasdaq: -1.2%)

😡 Stat of the Day: 74% = the percentage of American consumers who have experienced a product or service problem in the past year, per the latest National Customer Rage Survey from Arizona State University’s business school. That’s up from 56% in 2017, and 32% in 1976.

🤯 Did You Know?... Almost one-third of childhood burn injuries can be attributed to instant noodles, per a new study from the University of Chicago.

📖 Worth a Read: ‘Is This It?’ When Success Isn’t Satisfying → (WSJ)

• ☝️ You’re looking at the first-ever image to show sun rays on Mars in high quality (top), as well as an iridescent cloud high in the sky above the red planet (bottom); both images were recently captured by NASA’s Perseverance rover.

BUSINESS & MARKETS

• 🏛️✈️ The DOJ is suing to block JetBlue’s proposed $3.8 billion acquisition of Spirit Airlines.
• ☕ Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz has agreed to testify before the Senate regarding the company’s alleged anti-union activities, Senator Bernie Sanders announced yesterday.
• 🤖 Slack has added ChatGPT to its platform, available now as a beta release; the AI-chatbot can help summarize threads and draft responses, the Salesforce-owned messaging app said yesterday.

SPORTS, MEDIA & ENTERTAINMENT

• 💧📺 Avatar: The Way of Water has set a March 28 date for its digital release; it’ll be available to purchase on Prime Video, Apple TV+, Vudu, and Movies Everywhere.
• 🟡📱 Apple is adding a yellow color option for the iPhone 14 and iPhone 14 Plus; both will be available March 10 (Friday).
• 🏈 The New York Giants signed quarterback Daniel Jones to a four-year, $160 million deal yesterday; the team also placed the franchise tag on running back Saquon Barkley.

SCIENCE, SPACE & EMERGING TECH

• 🚀💥 Japan’s space agency yesterday destroyed a new experimental rocket minutes after it launched due to a failure of the second-stage engine; the rocket is Japan’s first new model in three decades.
• ⚡🩹 Scientists from Northwestern University have created the world’s first electric bandage that the human body can absorb; it applies electrical signals shown to speed wound healing by as much as 30%, per a new study published in Science Advances.
• 🐝 Bumblebees can learn to solve puzzles from one another, suggesting that they have the capacity for what humans call “culture,” per a new study published in PLOS Biology.

EVERYTHING ELSE

• ✈️💥 The FAA is investigating a minor collision between two United planes that occurred on the tarmac of Boston Logan International Airport on Monday; it follows a near-miss incident between two JetBlue planes at the same airport last week.
• 🇲🇽 Two US citizens were found dead and two others were rescued by authorities yesterday in the Mexican city of Matamoro; all four Americans were kidnapped by armed gunmen on Friday in the midst of a planned trip to Mexico for cosmetic surgery.
• 💭 Reimagining every president with mullets.

CLICKBAIT

• 💼 I was VP at Google for 10 years. Here’s the No. 1 skill I looked for at job interviews – very few people had it.

A dedicated grandpa named Steve recently built an impressive backyard sledding course for his grandchildren. 

• The 200-foot route took the Minnesotan over 80 hours to complete, and he hopes to keep it up all winter for the kids to enjoy.

❄ What's in a name... His grandkids named the course in Steve’s honor, calling it Papa Bear Plunge. "Their reactions have been priceless,” shared Steve's daughter Nicole. “Smiles from ear to ear."

Name the movies described by the following poorly-explained plots.

1. A father wants his reluctant son to help in the family business. Eventually the son gives his dad a hand.
2. A gang beats up a man for trying to improve people's lives.
3. Guy's wife dies so he gets high.

(keep scrolling for the answers)

👆 Check out the referral prizes you can get, just for introducing people you know to little old us. 

What to do: Copy your unique link below, then send it to anyone who you think would like the DONUT. Once you hit each milestone, you'll get an email with a link to claim your prize. (Pro tip: there's no need to ration points, you're entitled to a prize at each tier.)

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1. Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back (1980)
2. Avengers: Endgame (2019)
3. Up (2009)