Good morning. The next Mega Millions drawing occurs later today. Its grand prize? $1.55 billion, the third-largest in lottery history.

But before you go creating an office pool or daydreaming about yachts, caviar, and private jets, here’s a healthy dose of reality – you won’t win. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but we’re talking about 1 in 302,575,350 odds of taking home the jackpot.

Here are some other things that have a better chance of happening:

• Going to the ER with a pogo stick-related injury (1 in ~115,000).
• Being struck by lightning – not just once (1 in ~15,000), but twice (1 in ~9 million).
• Conceiving quintuplets naturally (1 in ~60 million).
• Being elected president of the US (1 in ~33 million).
• Becoming a billionaire in the US (1 in ~450,000).

That’s right – the odds of winning the Mega Millions lottery are literally less than becoming a billionaire of your own volition. Or being elected President of the United States.

Any wannabe presidents or entrepreneurs out there? We 👏 need 👏 you👏 now 👏 more 👏 than 👏 ever.

Now, to power your dreams and endeavors – the NEWS.

🚀⏰ Ready, Set, Go: Today’s news takes 5.19 minutes to read.

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P.P.S. If we just saved you some $ on a lottery ticket and you wanna toss us a commission, we accept Venmo😉.

“Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them so intensely.”

–Percy Colson (1873-1952)

On July 30, scientists at the US Department of Energy achieved a net energy gain in a nuclear fusion reaction for the second time in history, per a newly-published Financial Times report citing three internal sources.

The latest breakthrough follows months of unsuccessful attempts by the same scientists to replicate their first net-gain fusion reaction, previously achieved this past December.

⚛️⚛️ Why it's a big deal: The achievement brings scientists one step closer to the holy grail of energy production: nuclear fusion, aka the smashing of two atoms together to produce one. This method promises essentially limitless amounts of clean energy – but without the Chernobyl downside. (Said one atom to the other: you + me = infinity.)

On a pound-for-pound basis, fusion generates nearly 4 million times more energy than coal, oil, or gas. It’s also how the sun generates 100% of its power.

Scientists have been experimenting with fusion since the 1950s, but were unable to create a reactor that produces more energy than it takes to start up – until DOE researchers built one that’s now done so twice in the past nine months.

• The most recent successful test in July generated a net 1.4 megajoules of energy, up from 1.1 megajoules in December. For context, the July figure is enough to power a household iron for about 25 minutes.

⚡ Bottom line: While nuclear fusion headlines and experiments like this can get exciting, there’s still a long way to go before large-scale fusion power stations become a reality. Even if scientists figure out a way to replicate the DOE’s fusion experiment on a massive scale, engineers still have yet to develop any machinery capable of affordably turning said reaction into electricity that can be used to power any grid.

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💀🇨🇳 A skull in China could belong to a never-before-uncovered early human ancestor. The skull of this yet-to-be classified species was initially found in 2019 – and in the years since, scientists have struggled to match the remains to a known species of early human. Its face is similar to the modern human lineage (aka Homo sapiens), but the lack of a chin appears more like a Denisovan, a species of human that split from Neanderthals ~400,000 years ago. Based on this evidence and more, scientists published a new peer-reviewed study concluding the remains belong to an entirely new lineage that’s a hybrid between Homo sapiens and the common ancestor of Neanderthals and Denisovans.

🇺🇦 Ukraine says it captured a Russian informant involved in a June plot to assassinate President Volodymyr Zelensky. Ukraine’s main intelligence agency said it has detained a woman who was previously caught in the act of passing information about Zelensky's location to Russian forces, including a full itinerary of his June visit to the southeastern city of Mykolaiv. Ukrainian officials allege Moscow was planning an airstrike to assassinate Zelensky in Mykolaiv, which ended up failing after Ukraine’s military took security measures to prevent the attack.

🇰🇵🇷🇺 North Korea secretly hacked a major missile developer in Russia, one of its closest economic partners, per a new Reuters report. Based on technical evidence and analysis by security researchers, the news org concluded that North Korean hackers installed secret backdoors into systems at NPO Mashinostroyeniya, a rocket design firm near Moscow. And in what could be described as an incredible coincidence, the North Korean government announced several new developments in its banned ballistic missile program in the months following the hack (though Reuters says it’s unclear whether the two events are explicitly related).

Much like scheduling an Insta post to hard launch a new relationship, the iPhone 15 now has a public release date.

According to a report from Bloomberg’s Mark Gurman, Apple’s new phone model will be in stores on September 22 – though preorders will most likely be accepted following its unveiling at an event on either September 12 or 13.

🤔 What’s different about the iPhone 15?... If you rolled your eyes and said “new camera”... you’re not exactly wrong. But there are a few more bells and whistles, too.

• Borders around the display will be one-third thinner than before
• The phone comes equipped with a USB-C charging port (no more Lightning cable) and “premium-feeling” titanium case
• It also contains a much faster processor

And, per usual, a few camera upgrades – the iPhone 15’s rear camera is getting a revamp, including updated lenses and the ability to get a much wider range of optical zoom on the largest model.

❌ One feature that didn’t make it in: Touch-sensitive buttons with haptic feedback for the volume controls, the mute/ring switch, and the power button (meaning they wouldn’t press in, operating similar to the trackpad on a Mac). Bloomberg reports the planned enhancement, codenamed Bongo, was canceled after a slew of engineering problems.

📱📉 Zoom out: Apple is facing down its fourth consecutive quarter of declining sales, in large part because of a “smartphone market [that] has been in a decline,” per the company's most-recent earnings call. iPhone sales dropped 2.4% to ~$40 billion last quarter, coming in just below Wall Street estimates.

Sports are like people on five shots of espresso – taking it to the Max.

According to multiple reports citing industry sources, Warner Bros. Discovery is targeting the beginning of the MLB Playoffs (October 3) to debut its new paid sports tier for Max, the company’s flagship streaming service.

The bullet points:

• Games from the MLB, NBA, NHL, and NCAA (i.e., college football and March Madness) will be simulcast on cable TV and Max – basically any sporting event the company owns the rights to will also be available on the streaming service.
• The paid tier, which doesn’t yet have a price, will be branded under the Bleacher Report name.
• It’ll also include highlights and interviews from B/R, since Warner Bros. Discovery reportedly wants to target a younger audience that increasingly skips paying for cable TV and would be more aligned with a digital sports brand.

Also behind the move is the desire to drive incremental revenue from subscribers, according to execs on the company’s most recent earnings call. Spoiler alert: Expect to also see a paid news tier added to Max in the near future. (Multiple channels, offering a variety of entertainment, news, and sports – all accessed through one provider. If only there was a name for it🤔.)

🖐️ Not so fast: Max’s chase for incremental revenue has a major opponent – subscription fatigue. According to data from Credit Karma reported in last month’s Harper’s Index, 1 in 3 Americans say their biggest financial mistake in 2022 was paying for a streaming subscription they didn’t use.

Level up your sports knowledge with the Morning Blitz, the #1 sports newsletter in America. If you’re a fan of sports and The DONUT’s witty, digestible, 5-minute format, you’ll love The Morning Blitz.

Each issue includes everything you need to know in the world of sports, including:

• 🏈 Football season preview, with every big game broken down once it starts
• ⚾ The latest on MLB, PGA, and Women’s World Cup action
• ❓ Trivia, so you can test your knowledge
• 🎲 Betting picks (if that’s your thing)

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💬 Quoted… “It went off without a hitch.”

How Marlon Alexander, a private chef in the Hamptons, describes the outcome of a $100,000 private cannabis-themed dinner he once cooked for 100 people. It included items such as fried oysters with black pepper caviar, sauce made from a triple mayo, citrus, ponzu, and cannabis concoction, and a chocolate mousse cake made with cannabis butter.

• And while private chefs and meals like these may be a rare (or nonexistent) occurrence in our worlds, it apparently describes the life of private chefs in exclusive areas like the Hamptons quite well, Bloomberg reports.

🚚📉 Stat of the Day: 30,000 = the number of people out of work after trucking giant Yellow, the third-largest less-than-truckload carrier, officially filed for bankruptcy in a Delaware court on Sunday. The company, founded nearly 100 years ago, had been dealing with financial woes for over a decade.

🤔 Did You Know?... Neglecting to use a turn signal causes twice as many car crashes in the US compared to distracted driving, per a 2012 report from the Society of Automotive Engineers.

📰 Worth a Read (to round up our not-at-all intended driving theme): What’s Really Driving Your Procrastination and How to Beat It → (WSJ)

• ☝️ Estonian slackliner Jaan Roose recently set a world record for the longest LED-lit slackline walk, at 150 feet; Roose crossed between the newly-opened Katara Towers in Dubai, some ~640 feet up in the air, using a line less than an inch wide.

BUSINESS & MARKETS

in partnership with The Average Joe

• 💰 US markets closed up across the board (S&P: +0.9%; Dow: +1.2%; Nasdaq: +0.6%). | 🪙 PayPal is launching a stablecoin pegged to the US dollar.
• 🚗💼 Tesla CFO Zach Kirkhorn stepped down after more than four years in the role; board members had reportedly floated him as a possible successor to Musk as CEO. | 🤕Speaking of Musk: The Tesla CEO said he's receiving an MRI on his neck and upper back today and will find out later this week whether he'll need surgery.
• 🏢📉 Many apartment buildings are overleveraged, per the WSJ; rising interest rates and decreasing property values are putting the crunch on an industry with $1 trillion in debt coming due over the next four years.

*From our partners: 🗞️📈 The Average Joe’s free investing newsletters are the “IKEA instructions for investing.” Short, simple, concise – and filled with market trends and insights anyone can understand. Join 160,000+ others and subscribe free here.

SPORTS, MEDIA & ENTERTAINMENT

in partnership with Ice Barrel

• 🤝📚 Paramount is selling book publisher Simon & Schuster to private-equity firm KKR for $1.62 billion; the move comes less than a year after a federal judge blocked rival publisher Penguin Random House from acquiring Simon & Schuster for $2.18 billion.
• 🏈 Two-time reigning champion Georgia holds the No. 1 spot in college football’s preseason Coaches Poll published yesterday; Michigan, Alabama, Ohio State, and LSU round out the top five.
• ⚾ The MLB reportedly suspended White Sox infielder Tim Anderson for six games and Guardians infielder José Ramírez for three games over a fistfight between the two that broke out on Saturday. (Watch the fight.)

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SCIENCE, SPACE & EMERGING TECH

• 🐲🚫🤖 The Dungeons & Dragons role-playing game franchise has banned artists from using generative AI to create images of licensed creatures.
• 💊 Shares of Sage Therapeutics closed down more than 53% yesterday after the FDA approved the company’s oral drug Zurzuvae to treat postpartum depression – but not major depressive disorder.
• 🚀 Boeing and NASA delayed the first crewed flight test of the company’s Starliner spacecraft until at least March 2024.

MISCELLANEOUS

• ⛈️🌪 Nearly 50 million Americans on the East Coast were affected by severe thunderstorms yesterday afternoon and evening; they brought heavy rain, damaging winds, large hail, and a few tornadoes.
• 🏥🩸 The Red Cross yesterday became the first major US group to implement new individual-based questions that are expected to allow more gay and bisexual men to donate blood.
• 🗳️ Ohio residents will vote today in an election over whether to raise the public vote threshold to approve a state constitutional amendment from 50% to 60%; it comes two months before a statewide vote on an amendment that would protect the right to abortion. (From the Left | From the Center | From the Right)

CLICKBAIT

• 🎤🎶 The unstoppable pop of Taylor Swift.

Yesterday, we covered an upcoming vote by a California regulatory board over whether Waymo and Cruise can expand their fleets of driverless taxis in San Francisco and establish competing ride-hailing services.

❓ Our question to you: As it stands today, would you feel comfortable taking a ride in a self-driving car?

• Yeah, of course: 22%
• No way: 53%
• Maybe with some peer pressure: 25%

📅 Here are the results from the last time we asked this question on March 23, 2022 (roughly a year-and-a-half ago):

• Yeah, of course: 27%
• No way: 44%
• Maybe with some peer pressure: 29%

Click here to read the best responses from Monday’s poll.

+Note on sample size: We received 10,844 votes and 1,053 longform responses.

Nash Johnson wanted nothing more than his own Xbox. But the eight-year-old knew his weekly $5 chore allowance wouldn't buy him one anytime soon, so he decided to take matters into his own hands – by applying for his first job. 

Nash applied to be a dishwasher at Drake's, a new restaurant in town, submitting an application over fall break without his mom knowing.  

• "That kid is not afraid to fail," Nash's mother, Belinda Johnson, said. "He is a go-getter."
• And while Nash is only halfway to the legal working age, Drake's invited him to a special orientation where COO Mark Thornburg gifted him the Xbox he's always wanted. 
• "I was, like, shocked," Nash told LEX18. "I wish I had the job and the Xbox. I do have the Xbox, but I wish I had the job!"

Note: an earlier version of this story ran on December 14, 2022. Our Positive DONUT writer Kailyn is currently deep in 50-hour/week rehearsals for another slate of upcoming live shows in Europe (which is taking a lot of her focus).

🏴‍☠️ Trivia: Which pirate has a US national park named after him?

🏀 True or False?... Yao Ming was the first Chinese-born player to play in an NBA game.

🤔 Riddle Me This: Which common English word has 3 consecutive double letters?

(keep scrolling for the answers)

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What to do: Copy your unique link below, then send it to anyone who you think would like the DONUT. Once you hit each milestone, you'll get an email with a link to claim your prize. (Pro tip: there's no need to ration points, you're entitled to a prize at each tier.)

Start referring.👇

🏴‍☠️ Trivia: Jean Lafitte

🏀 T/F: False, it was Wang Zhizhi

🤔 Riddle: Bookkeeper (we would also accept "woolly" 😉)