Good morning. In today’s edition:

• 🚰 Forever chemicals + tap water
• 📝 Breaking down yesterday’s inflation report
• 🤖 ChatGPT really likes certain words

… and more.

🚀⏰ Ready, Set, Go: Today’s news should be a ~5.11-minute read (1,361 words).

P.S. First time reading? Subscribe here for free.

“Just do what must be done. This may not be happiness but it is greatness.”

–George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)

The Environmental Protection Agency yesterday announced the first national drinking water standard aimed at limiting the amount of “forever chemicals,” known as PFAS, in tap water across the country. Apparently, unlike Drake, Kanye, Lil Wayne, and Eminem, it doesn’t want that s*** forever, man (ever man, ever man).

First things first: PFAS stands for perfluoroalkyl and polyfluoroalkyl substances, which are a group of ~15,000 man-made chemicals that have been used since the 1940s to waterproof and stainproof a variety of goods. The compounds have strong molecular bonds which don't break down for centuries – hence the name "forever chemicals."

• PFAS compounds are also dangerous to humans. Long-term exposure is linked to a range of serious illnesses like cancer, liver damage, and heart disease, as well as developmental damage to children.
• And, much like lead poisoning, PFAS accumulates in the human body with each exposure and builds up over months and years, eventually leading to health effects in some individuals.

The EPA’s new rules target the presence of certain PFAS in drinking water. Over the next five years, local governments across the US will be required to test their systems for six types of harmful PFAS compounds, then install water treatment technologies if their levels are too high.

• According to the EPA, excess PFAS levels will likely be discovered in 6%-10% of all US water systems, covering a combined 100 million Americans.
• The agency says implementation of its new PFAS standard will prevent tens of thousands of deaths and serious illnesses over the next several decades.

👀 Looking ahead… Utility groups have vowed to challenge the EPA’s new rules in court, arguing that the $1.5 billion/year cost is prohibitive and will fall hardest on small communities with fewer resources.

With 26,000+ five-star reviews and 30+ million sold, you know Paleovalley is doing their convenient, protein-dense beef sticks right.

• 👩‍🌾 Made with 100% grass-fed beef sourced from US farms
• 👍 Naturally fermented slowly instead of using preservatives
• 💪 Keto and paleo friendly, with 0 g’s of carbs
• 🤤 Available in five mouthwatering flavors
• 🙌 Gluten-free, grain-free, soy-free, refined sugar-free, dairy-free, and non-GMO

For a limited time, you can get Paleovalley 100% Grass Fed Beef Sticks for just $1 per stick. They’re so confident you’ll love them, they even offer a 100% money-back guarantee.

Get 30 Beef Sticks for $30 from Paleovalley (offer expires in 3 days).

🇯🇵🇺🇸 Japan agreed to boost international cooperation with the US. President Biden is hosting Japanese PM Fumio Kishida in DC this week, where the two world leaders are expected to announce 70+ agreements, including a joint lunar space mission and plans to increase military cooperation. Biden and Kishida will also meet with Philippines President Ferdinand Marcos Jr. later today to discuss Beijing's recent military actions in the South China Sea.

🇪🇺 The EU parliament approved major reforms to immigration policy. The new reforms, which end eight years of negotiations, are designed to speed up the bloc’s asylum process and boost the return of migrants who don’t qualify for international protection. The laws will also require EU member states to share responsibility for asylum seekers, in order to ease the burden on nations closer to the bloc’s southern borders. An estimated 380,000 unauthorized migrants entered the EU last year, marking the highest figure since 2016.

🇬🇧🇯🇵 Microsoft announced new AI projects in the UK and Japan. Microsoft unveiled plans to open a new AI hub in London aimed at improving data center infrastructure and AI skills across the UK, which comes as part of the tech giant’s $3+ billion investment in the country. Separately, Microsoft will invest ~$3 billion in Japan over the next two years, with the goal of upskilling 3 million residents and opening its first research lab in the country.

Prices are like a cat in a tree that refuses to come down – staying stubbornly high.

US inflation rose 0.4% month-over-month and 3.5% over the prior year in March, according to the latest Consumer Price Index. Both measures came in ahead of economists’ estimates of a 0.3% monthly increase and a 3.4% annual increase.

• For context, inflation rose 0.4% month-over-month and 3.2% annually in February.

Pretty much everything is still going up

Shelter and energy costs contributed to more than half of March’s monthly increase, but prices rose pretty much across the board. Outside of fuel oil, used and new cars (both falling), and grocery store food (staying flat), nearly every other major category saw a price jump.

And when it comes to core inflation, which excludes often-volatile food and energy costs, the US economy hasn’t been doing its sit-ups. Core inflation rose 0.4% month-over-month, bringing the annual rate to 3.8%, the same as in February.

👀 Looking ahead… Following the CPI’s release, the markets’ probability of a June rate cut sank to 21%, down from 53% on Tuesday and 73% last month, according to CME’s FedWatch tool. Investors now anticipate two 0.25% cuts from the Fed this year, down from six cuts expected at the start of the year.

Previously, alternate investments like startup IPOs, media royalties, high-yield real estate, fine art, and equipment financing were only accessible to affluent families/institutions. But with the Hedonova fund, anyone with $10k to invest can get exposure.

Why Hedonova?

• 🛟 Fund is uncorrelated with the stock market
• 👍 Tax efficient and stable
• ✅ Managed by a team of seasoned pros
• 📈 Has outperformed S&P by over 200% since its inception

And, with easy withdrawals, SEC regulation, and a management fee of just 1%, it’s easy to see why Hedonova has a rating of 4.9/5 stars.

Learn more about Hedonova.

If Costco didn’t already have street cred, now it’s solidified – it’s straight moving bricks by the ounce. According to a recent Wells Fargo estimate, the retailer is selling between $100 million and $200 million worth of gold bars per month.

This bit of info may not come as a surprise to anyone who’s tried to buy some. The 1-ounce bars, which are only available online with a limit of five per person, usually sell out within hours of being listed. Costco began selling them in late September, and generated $100 million in sales between then and late November, per the company’s latest quarterly earnings report.

Speaking of earnings… Costco’s approach to selling gold seems to be: “profit, schmofit.” The retailer sells the bars at 2% above the gold spot price – but it also offers 2% cash back for executive members and another 2% for those who use their Citigroup credit cards.

🪙 Zoom out: The value of gold has grown 14.5% since January – higher than any of the major indices on the New York Stock Exchange. And it’s accelerated in recent weeks. The spot price of gold was a record-high $2,160/ounce in early March, and was trading yesterday at ~$2,300/ounce.

💬 Quoted… “Someone sent me a cold email proposing a novel project. Then I noticed it used the word ‘delve.’”

• AI detection programs are notoriously unreliable – but there’s a simpler and easier way to figure out whether a piece of content came from ChatGPT, according to Y Combinator co-founder Paul Graham. In a social media post this week, Graham said he noticed that excessive use of the word “delve” is a pretty clear sign that something was written by an AI chatbot. Graham based his claim in part on an analysis of scientific research in recent decades, which found a sharp increase in use of the word delve that corresponded with ChatGPT’s release (☝️). And, according to a dataset of 50,000 ChatGPT responses, Graham is on the right track – the chatbot’s most-overused words are 1) explore; 2) captivate; 3) tapestry; 4) leverage; and 5) embrace, with delve clocking in at #9.

🏀👀 Stat of the Day: The women’s March Madness championship between Iowa and South Carolina outdrew the men’s title game by an average of 4.1 million viewers, marking the first time in TV history that more people tuned in for the women’s tournament final. According to Nielsen, the Iowa-South Carolina matchup was also the most-viewed basketball game of the past five years, outpacing any NBA or men’s CBB contest during that period.

🤔 Did You Know?... There aren’t any laundry services onboard the International Space Station. Instead, astronauts wear their clothes until they’re too dirty, then throw them away.

📰 Worth a Read: The scientists learning to speak whale → (BBC Future)

• ☝️ Muslims around the world this week began celebrating Eid al-Fitr, one of the biggest holidays in the Islamic calendar; Eid al-Fitr marks the end of Ramadan, a holy month of fasting.

BUSINESS & MARKETS

in partnership with INVRS

• 💰 US markets closed down across the board following March’s inflation report (S&P: -1.0%; Dow: -1.1%; Nasdaq: -0.8%). | 📈 10-year US Treasury yields rose as much as 20 basis points to reach above 4.5% for the first time this year.
• 📝 KPMG’s Netherlands unit agreed to pay a $25 million fine over claims of cheating on auditing exams and misinforming investigators; it marks the largest penalty imposed on an auditing firm by the Public Company Accounting Oversight Board.
• 📈 The top-10 fastest-growing retail brands in the nation, according to Yelp.

*From our partners: 📈 9,000+ people are getting better at investing with daily challenges and trivia… Investing can be boring to learn, so INVRS made things fun instead. Compete, and collaborate with others on your path to improved financial literacy. Try INVRS here FREE.

SPORTS, MEDIA & ENTERTAINMENT

• 🏌️ The first round of the Masters tees off early this morning; coverage on ESPN starts at 1 pm ET.
• 🐺 The Jon Snow-based Game of Thrones spinoff is no longer in development and is “off the table,” according to actor Kit Harington.
• ⛹️💰 Dude Perfect, the sports entertainment group best known for its viral trick shots, has secured a nine-figure funding round – between $100 million and $300 million – from investment firm Highmount Capital.

SCIENCE, SPACE & EMERGING TECH

in partnership with Spleash

• 🥚🐔 America’s largest egg supplier has stopped production after chickens at a Texas plant tested positive for bird flu; while the health risk to humans is considered low, experts recommend avoiding over-easy or sunny side up eggs with runny yolks for the time being.
• 🌐 Google is making its own custom-built CPU to support its AI work in data centers and offer to business customers of Google Cloud; the tech giant says its processor is 30% more efficient than products from AWS or Microsoft.
• 😡 People can relieve anger by writing down their reaction to a negative incident on a piece of paper and then shredding it, according to a new study.

*From our partners: 💦🐶 Your other best friend for doggy walks… The Spleash attaches to any leash for on-the-go pup hydration. It holds 12 oz of fresh water to keep your dog safe and hydrated for your many adventures. Save 15% on Spleash with code TheDonut15.

MISCELLANEOUS

• ✈️ The Federal Aviation Administration is investigating Boeing after a new internal whistleblower alleged that Boeing took shortcuts when manufacturing its 777 and 787 Dreamliner jets.
• 🛂🌎 Wealthy US families are increasingly building out their “passport portfolios” – aka applying for second citizenships and national residences – as a way to hedge their financial risk, per global law firm Henley & Partners.
• ⚖️ Iowa Gov. Kim Reynolds (R) signed a bill into law yesterday that gives state police the authority to arrest and deport some unauthorized migrants; the law, which mirrors part of a Texas measure that’s currently blocked in court, is also expected to face legal challenges. (From the Left | From the Center | From the Right)

CLICKBAIT

• 💰📅 What Happens if You Don’t File Your Taxes by April 15.

Yesterday, we covered how the 2024 election could see a historic generational shift in political affiliation, with President Biden increasingly attracting older voters and former President Trump doing the same for younger folks.

❓ Our question to you: If November’s presidential election were held today, who would you vote for?

• 🔴 The Republican candidate: 27%
• 🔵 The Democratic candidate: 44%
• 3️⃣ A third-party candidate: 14%
• 🔞 I’m too young/I don’t vote: 7%
• 🤷 Unsure/other: 8%

Click here to read some of the best longform responses.

+Note on sample size: We received 5,913 votes and 481 longform responses.

We bring you the most unusual, off-the-wall and occasionally laugh-out-loud headlines from this week.

• A German art museum fired an employee for secretly hanging up one of his own paintings → (Business Insider)
• This Tiny Italian Island Is Giving Away Goats to Anyone Who Can Catch Them → (Smithsonian Magazine)
• ‘Mostly felt like a speed bump’: US man on getting vasectomy amid earthquake → (The Guardian)
• Reported armed man at Scottish train station was 'Star Wars' Stormtrooper → (UPI)
• 100 huskies cut loose in shopping mall after pet café mishap → (Fox News)

12-year-old Rowan Brannan constantly finds little knick-knacks on the ground near his Sussex, England home. 

But his findings were usually of little value to anyone else – until he recently found an ancient piece of solid gold.

🗺️ X marks the spot. Rowan and his mom were on a walk, when he bent over to pick up what looked like a dirty bracelet from the ground. Once they cleaned it off, they realized Rowan might have found something special.

• After having the piece assessed by the British Museum, they discovered the bracelet is an "exceptionally rare" armilla Roman bracelet that's more than 2,000 years old. 

Halifax, pictured above, is the capital of which Canadian province?

👆 Check out the referral prizes you can get, just for introducing people you know to little old us. 

What to do: Copy your unique link below, then send it to anyone who you think would like the DONUT. Once you hit each milestone, you'll get an email with a link to claim your prize.

Start referring.👇

Nova Scotia