Good morning. Fun fact: Axe body spray is being used by UK farmers to prevent fights among their sheep. According to a Facebook group composed of the farmers, the strong scent of Axe’s Lynx Africa variety masks the hormones that trigger aggression in rams.

Pretty ironic that it seems to do the opposite in humans.

In today’s edition:

• 📵 With a ban on the table, what’s next for TikTok?
• 🪳 The cicada-pocalypse has begun
• 🤔 Can the human body brew alcohol?

… and more.

🚀⏰ Ready, Set, Go: Today’s news should be a ~4.93-minute read (1,312 words).

P.S. First time reading? Subscribe here for free.

"An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered."

–G.K. Chesterton (1874-1936)

Early yesterday morning, President Biden signed into law measures to provide aid to Israel, Ukraine, and Taiwan.

The package also includes a stipulation that compels China-based tech giant ByteDance, the parent company of TikTok, to sell the app within the next 9-12 months or face a national ban, kicking off what’s sure to be a protracted fight between the company and US government.

Why ban TikTok? Lawmakers point to two main reasons:

• The app is owned by the China-based ByteDance, raising fears that the data of TikTok’s ~170 million American users could end up in the hands of the Chinese government.
• There’s also a concern that the CCP could put its thumb on TikTok’s algorithm to influence US public opinion and promote its own interests.

TikTok maintains that it has never sent US user data to the Chinese government, and wouldn’t do so if it was requested. The app has also vowed to do all it can to stop the ban from being implemented, taking a page out of Dylan Thomas’ book to not go gentle into that good night.

This isn’t TikTok’s first existential rodeo. The app successfully fought to stay alive in 2020, when then-President Trump issued an executive order to block the app, thanks to the courts.

This go-round could be similar, since TikTok is preparing to legally challenge the bill on First Amendment grounds. And precedent falls on their side – a US judge in Montana in November blocked a state ban on TikTok, saying it violated the free speech rights of users.

• One potential issue: According to the NY Times, officials specifically crafted this ban with legal challenges in mind.

A sale could also get complicated. The price tag on TikTok is sure to be in the hundreds of billions, and any US-based company that could afford to purchase it – like Meta or Alphabet – would probably be blocked on antitrust concerns. Individuals like former Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin, former Activision Blizzard CEO Bobby Kotick, and Shark Tank star Kevin O’Leary are each reportedly working to put together bids.

Complicating matters even more is China. TikTok’s algorithm, aka its “secret sauce,” was created in the country, meaning Beijing would have to sign off on the tech being sold to a US company – which is about as likely as Mark Zuckerberg beating Michael Jordan in a game of 1-on-1🏀.

👀 Looking ahead… The 270-day clock is tik(tok)ing. As for the outcome when it reaches 0? Stay tuned.

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🇦🇷 Hundreds of thousands of Argentinians protested against education spending cuts. Residents gathered in Buenos Aires on Tuesday to march against recent education budget cuts, marking the largest protest of President Javier Milei’s four-month tenure. Under Milei, Argentina has kept university funding for this year at the same level as in 2023, despite inflation reducing the real value of the budget by up to 80%. The spending cuts came as Argentina recorded its first quarterly budget surplus since 2008 over the first three months of this year.

🇮🇹 The mystery of Plato’s final resting place has apparently been solved by a scroll burnt by Mount Vesuvius. A team of Italian researchers developed an AI system to translate part of a papyrus scroll that was damaged when nearby Mount Vesuvius erupted in 79 AD, and is now a lump of carbonized ash. In a recent statement, the scientists said their system discovered Plato is buried next to a sacred shrine in the garden of his Athens academy.

🇺🇦 Ukraine is reportedly attacking Russia with long-range ballistic missiles secretly provided by the US. Ukraine’s military this month began using American-made, longer-range ATACMS missiles, which the Biden administration had previously been reluctant to supply to avoid an escalation with Russia, per multiple reports. The newly signed ~$61 billion US aid package for Ukraine is expected to further increase the Ukrainian military’s stockpile and use of such missiles.

Sound the alarm: trillions of periodical cicadas have begun to emerge in the Southeast and Midwest US. However, on second thought, the insects seem to have that sounding thing covered – their initial cries are so loud that some South Carolina residents are calling their local sheriff’s office asking why they can hear sirens or a loud roar.

What’s going on? Two different cicada broods – one that lives on a 13-year cycle, and another that lives on a 17-year cycle – are emerging at the same time this spring, marking a rare synchronized event that last occurred in 1803 (when Thomas Jefferson was president).

Cicadas are notoriously loud, aka the Type-A personalities of the insect world. Their collective songs can clock in at 90 decibels, similar to a loud lawn mower or motorcycle, with scientists who study them often wearing earmuffs to protect their ears.

• Outside of potential hearing damage, however, the insects don’t pose any danger to humans or pets – though up to 10% of cicadas are affected by a fungal STD that turns them into zombies who infect others of the same species.

👀 Looking ahead… While cicadas are already appearing in southern states like South Carolina, where the weather warms up faster, the insects might not show up in cooler Midwest states until June. Upon emerging from the ground, cicadas live for about a month before dying.

Doobert was founded by Chris Roy, a pilot who flew hundreds of rescue animals across the country so they could get the required care. Identifying a serious need, he launched Doobert which connects volunteers to organizations so they can help in different ways…

• 🚗 Transport animals to and from shelters/vets
• 😸 Foster pets in need of a home
• Connect the community with their shelter

They even launched the Doobert Store, where 5% of your purchase of pet items is donated to an animal rescue.

Click here to become a Dooberteer or check out the Doobert Store.

💬 Quoted: “I think he was somehow relieved that he finally knew what was up.”

• Think of the most improbable thing you’ve ever heard that turned out to be true – over the next 30 seconds, we may one-up it. A Belgian man with an exceptionally rare condition that causes his body to naturally produce alcohol had a drunk-driving charge dismissed in court on Monday. The 40-year-old successfully proved that he has auto-brewery syndrome (ABS), which causes carbohydrates in his stomach to be fermented and turned into ethanol – effectively brewing alcohol inside the body (though people with ABS generally feel less of its effects). It was the third time the man had been cited for drunk driving since 2019, but he was unaware that he had ABS until doctors ran tests after his latest charge. Currently, only ~20 people globally have been diagnosed with the condition, though scientists believe the total number of cases is underestimated.

🥤 Stat of the Day: Having a Coke may bring a smile – but in many cases, it also brings plastic waste. Coca-Cola is responsible for more than one-tenth of all plastic pollution worldwide, followed by Pepsi (5%), Nestlé (3%), Danone (3%), and Altria (2%), according to a study published yesterday in Science Advances. Overall, 56 brands account for more than half of the world’s plastic pollution.

🤔 Did You Know? Former West Virginia Gov. Cecil Underwood is both the youngest and oldest governor in state history. He was first elected in 1956 at the age of 34, decided against running 1960, then successfully ran for a second term in 1996 at the age of 74.

📰 Worth a Read: Do you have an inner monologue? Here’s what it reveals about you → (National Geographic)

• ☝️ Five military horses – one of them apparently covered in blood – broke loose and galloped riderless through miles of downtown London yesterday; officials said “a number of personnel and horses” were injured in the incident, which also caused damage to several vehicles.

BUSINESS & MARKETS

in partnership with Scott Kemper Imagery

• 💰 US markets closed mixed (S&P: +0.02%; Dow: -0.1%; Nasdaq: +0.1%). | 📈 Tesla rose 12% after saying it would accelerate production of new, more affordable vehicles.
• 📝 Meta, Ford, Chipotle, and Boeing all reported earnings yesterday.
• ✈️ Airlines are now required to issue cash refunds for canceled or seriously delayed flights, per new DOT regulations. | 🍪 Speaking of delays: Google’s phasing out of cookies has been delayed to 2025 due to UK regulations. (What’s coming next?)

*From our partners: 🌊 Give the gift of serene seascapes for Mother’s Day… Images of water can improve calmness and sleep quality. Scott Kemper has arranged this exclusive collection of prints just for DONUT readers. Save 20% until the 27th with code WATER20.

SPORTS, MEDIA & ENTERTAINMENT

• 🏈 The 2024 NFL Draft kicks off tonight. | 🏆 Reggie Bush is getting his 2005 Heisman Trophy back; the decision from the Heisman Trust was motivated by "enormous changes" in the college football landscape.
• 📝 Megan Thee Stallion was accused in a lawsuit of sexual harassment by her former cameraman.
• 📱 X, formerly Twitter, announced plans to launch a YouTube-like video app that’s compatible with most smart TVs.

SCIENCE, SPACE & EMERGING TECH

in partnership with Paleovalley

• 💻🏥 Health insurance giant UnitedHealth confirmed a ransomware attack on its subsidiary earlier this year resulted in a massive theft of Americans’ private data, though it didn’t specify the full extent; the subsidiary has access to data on roughly half of Americans, per TechCrunch.
• 🪸 The first glow-in-the-dark animals (aka those who display bioluminescence) may have been ancient corals that lived deep in the ocean ~540 million years ago, per a new study.
• ⚠️🍔 The USDA issued a nationwide health alert for Greater Omaha ground beef products, which may be contaminated with E. coli.

*From our partners: 🍖 Paleovalley now offers Chicken and Venison Sticks for a nutrient-dense snack… Featuring a whopping 7g per serving, they make the perfect on-the-go source of clean protein. Made with zero synthetic ingredients. Save 15% sitewide at Paleovalley here.

MISCELLANEOUS

• 💊 McKinsey is reportedly under criminal investigation by the Justice Department over the consulting agency’s past role in advising opioid manufacturers on how to boost sales.
• ⚖️🏥 The Supreme Court heard arguments in a case that will decide whether a federal law requiring hospitals to provide emergency care overrides Idaho's abortion ban, which only allows the procedure when the mother’s life is in danger. (From the Left | From the Center | From the Right)
• 🗳️ Arizona’s GOP-controlled House voted 32-28 to repeal a 160-year-old law banning nearly all abortions, which was reinstated earlier this month by the state Supreme Court; the state Senate will vote on the measure next week. (From the Left | From the Center | From the Right)

CLICKBAIT

• 🏡 The rise of the 'tradwife' — why some women say they are opting out of work.

We bring you the most unusual, off-the-wall and occasionally laugh-out-loud headlines from this week.

• 'Male' hippo in Japan zoo found to be female after 7 years → (BBC)
• 9-year-old 'Seagull Boy' takes top spot in European screeching contest → (UPI)
• Nigerian chess champion sets new record with 60-hour marathon → (Euronews)
• Medical Workers Ask Venomous Snake Bite Victims to Stop Bringing Snakes to the Hospital → (People)
• Ohio company launches Thermonator, a flamethrowing robot dog → (Cleveland 19 News)

Yesterday, we covered oral arguments before SCOTUS in a case that will decide whether cities can prevent homeless individuals from sleeping outside on public property, even when shelter space is lacking.

❓ Our question to you: In your opinion, should local governments be allowed to clear homeless camps without also offering alternative housing to all homeless residents?

• 👍 Yes: 37%
• 👎 No: 48%
• 🤷 Unsure/other: 15%

Click here to read some of the best longform responses.

+Note on sample size: We received 4,158 votes and 372 longform responses.

Dare to Repair is a program with one goal: help people fix their broken stuff. 

The Buffalo, New York, initiative is part of The Tool Library, a nonprofit group that lends tools and other equipment to individuals, small businesses, and community organizations. The volunteer-run Dare to Repair program is free and aims to repair almost anything people bring in that isn't working at home. 

• The project was started to curb consumerism and over-purchasing byy encouraging people to fix and continue using the objects they already own.

Hells Canyon, the deepest river gorge in North America, is located along the borders of which three US states?

👆 Check out the referral prizes you can get, just for introducing people you know to little old us. 

What to do: Copy your unique link below, then send it to anyone who you think would like the DONUT. Once you hit each milestone, you'll get an email with a link to claim your prize.

Start referring.👇

Idaho, Oregon, and Washington